So, it took two days and I thought about it. It's easy to admit that I'm crazy about Anthony but maybe more than that....this may not be good for me. I know I want more for myself. I've re-evaluated me after having Bailee and know for sure what I will and will not do. I know enough about myself to know that I can't do "casual". It's not in me to even pretend anymore. What I know...I want a loving, simple relationship with a man in which we both participate. I realize that Anthony is doing so many more things which don't include me and may never. I don't want to find my way through that. For the sake of my sanity I will just step away and leave it be. Its easy to say but hard to do. Yet I know I can't do another Sunday and expect a different result. There are many good qualities about Anthony that I'd hate to begin disliking him because I'm not included in his world and wanting it so much. It's disappointing but better than being heart broken. I have been struggling with this for months and perhaps not really admitting the truth to myself. I've made up stuff in my head, called him, deleted his number from my cell phone, added it back and swooned when I saw him.
Now those pretty, big girl panties are up around my waist and I'm going to breathe and move on.
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4 comments:
Good thoughts, Mary!! I remember watching Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla (back when it was on MTV - LONG AGO) and Dr. Drew made a statement that really clicked. He said, "It's amazing the great lengths that we will go to avoid being alone." It made me think - a lot. I was tolerating what wasn't best for me. I wasn't making my "happily ever after". I was living in a "settled for a bit until I really resent it" situation. A couple of years later I had a real clear moment where I realized that I really dug me and happily ever after doesn't have to include someone else. It was really freeing. You have everything inside of you, too. You're worth the happily ever after. And, you can tell the universe that you expect the happily ever after whether with someone else or with you. I happen to think that "happily ever after" with you is tons better than resentment or frustration. And - you're a pretty amazing woman - if your happily ever after includes a man, he needs to live up to the standard that you set - anything else just isn't good enough for such an amazing you!
Thank you for sharing your "growing"!!
:-)Kim
Thanks Kim. I needed to hear that. I tell myself all the time but sometimes I talk me out of some real sound advice.
Mary, what you are desiring from this man is completely natural. Blame it on human instinct. If not reciprocated, I'm so very sorry.
Kim is dead on. You deserve someone that gives the way you are willing to give.
I also love her analogy about the happily ever after.
I'm sorry he isn't the one. Perhaps he was brought into your life to demonstrate how someone seemingly so perfect for you can still fall flat. He's the ultimate test to see where you're at?
You deserve what you are seeking. You came close, so kudos on now having a clearer glimpse on what you seek! That in itself is huge!
Donna
It is better to be hurt once with clean break than to be hurt over and over again if it were to continue on. (so they say)
-h
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