It's 2:00am in the morning...

I'm use to being up this time of the morning because I am usually at work. This is my weekend off and I'm sitting here surfing the web while sipping a glass of wine. It's not too bad. It's nice to have days off to do nothing. The day started with a crazy headache that couldn't be chased away with my drug of choice...excedrin. I was probably stressing about having to drive eight hours to visit momma. I don't regret wanting to see her--I just regret the drive. Brian announced he wanted to go and so we'll make him the designated driver. We're going to leave on Sunday. Susie called today and wasn't ready to leave tomorrow. Sometimes, my sister can make suggestions and regret them days later. Anyway, we need to check on momma. She is having outpatient surgery Tuesday and we want to be there for the procedure. It's probably good Brian is going. We can leave Bailee with him.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I had a birthday on July 10th. It's funny how I always overlook my birthday. I am now 48!! It's interesting...when I was younger I couldn't wait to become 16; then 18; and finally 21!! Those were significant birthdays that we always looks forward to that somehow changed our lives. Getting a driver's license, being a young adult, and old enough to go to a club or have that official 1st drink. Funny in all that, I never thought "when I turn 48". Of course, turning 48 didn't bring about those type of thoughts. I went online to Google the date of Daddy's death because I needed it for some paper work. I couldn't remember the exact date and thankfully I found it. He was 51 when he died. That's only three years older than me. I'm not sure what significance that has but I just thought it was interesting he died so young. I suppose when I was 24 that didn't seem young or I didn't think about it as much.

Anyway, this birthday or maybe the days leading up to now has been different. I feel different. Maybe it's putting old "stuff" away finally or maybe it's wanting something more. Things are really not that bad in my life. I still have the house, a semi new car, and the bills are paid each month. Brian will hopefully get himself together and move is life forward I suppose some detours make us stronger or give us excuses to wallow in pity. My hope is he takes the detours and just keep his life moving. I'm hopeful he's stronger after his time away and takes advantage of opportunities when the present themselves. Life can't be that bad. Sure, stuff happens but we get through it. Maybe momma can talk to him.

I am restless. I keep waiting for something to happen. I have no clue what that something is but something is hovering. Hopefully, it's a good something.